TSA:  Stopping yesterday’s threats tomorrow.

You know what the next terrorist attack is going to be.  You just know it.  They’re going to put something in a quart-sized bag and that will just wreak havoc with TSA carry-on guidelines.  I can’t tell you how happy this makes me that I’m between jobs right now and thus not flying.

TSA:  Travel Safer with Amtrak.

So let’s review the facts.  Someone with known terrorist tendencies — his father alerted the authorities!! — who’s on the watch list, who buys a ticket on the day of travel, paying cash, one way, from Nigeria through Amsterdam to the United States, with only a carry-on suitcase, carrying liquids containing known explosives, gets on to a plane and tries to ignite said explosives.

And what’s our reaction?  There’s some confusion on this matter but not surprisingly, the government says this is part of its strategy of unpredictability.  Of course, already the information is on the web, copied from internal airline and government web sites.  Apparently these policies only apply to international flights.  You can’t get up during the last hour of a flight.  You can’t have a blanket on your lap.  You’re only allowed one carry on.  No location information will be displayed or announced.  (I’m sure there will be a new reqiurement that window shades must be lowered so you can’t look out the window.)

I ask you.  Would any of these matters have stopped this attempt?  Of course not.  What would have stopped this attempt would have been the enforcement of any of a thousand procedures we already have in place.  He was on the watch list!!!!!   He paid cash!!!!!  At the last minute!!!!!  For a one-way flight!!!!!  Without luggage!!!!!  If this was a Hollywood movie, movie critics would have said “this movie asks us to suspend disbelief beyond the ability of any sane person to do so.”  So the solution to this is more policies and procedures??  How about we enforce the ones that are already in place that would have, and should have, prevented this situation.  How about we ignore the bureaucracy’s feint here and shine a spotlight on every individual who failed in this situation and on every individual who is, or should be, following up to make sure this tragicomedy never repeats itself.

More policies?!?!?!

Actually, I suppose we should be thankful.  I’m sure the same people who, after Richard Reid had us take off our shoes at every checkpoint, were arguing that now we should make sure everyone takes off their pants.  Where does this lunacy stop?  When do we stand up and acknowledge that the government is engaged in a massive public relations effort to make people feel simultaneously safer (“we’re doing everything in our power”) and more scared (“…so you need to give us even more power”).  I’m not normally one of these conspiracy theorists — far from it — but I can’t help but believe what we have here is massive bureaucratic incompetence, with some seeking to advance their agendas behind that incompetence.  When do we say “enough”?  How can we possibly justify any change in procedures when the existing procedures so massively were ignored?  What makes these new procedures likely to be adhered to and how in the world would they make us more safe anyhow?  Is it somehow safer if someone tries to blow up a plane in the middle hour of a flight instead of the last hour???  The total absurdity of this one is so complete that I can’t believe there isn’t a total uproar about this.  Yet I just watched the Sunday morning newsmagazines and all of them discussed this matter, and the response, with the utmost earnestness and seriousness.

If we all don’t yell and scream about this one, then I suppose we get what we deserve.

Why? “We did a lot of research, we looked into it, and people who email or write us are more satisfied with our responses,” United spokeswoman Robin Urbanski said. Let me get this right. Instead of asking why people aren’t satisfied with the phone response and fixing it, they just say “hey, our phone sucks. Let’s cancel it.” If at first you don’t succeed…give up. Ah, the great American way.

(As an aside, I’ve been quiet here for a while because I haven’t been traveling. I ruptured my quadriceps tendon in December and have been in a hip-to-ankle brace since then. I had surgery in early January and expect to be at least somewhat mobile in another few weeks.)

I mean, a few months ago, American’s fee imposition led to the beginning of this blog. Now Continental does that and so much more and I don’t even whimper? Maybe some of it is because I don’t fly Continental very much. Maybe more of it is that OF COURSE we should expect this lemming-like behavior on the part of the old line carriers. Were they not going to impose fees and/or cut services? So I just can’t get that worked up over it.

So why might I feel victorious? Let them all die. You’ve got to love Southwest’s new commercial where they compare their “airfare” with that of their competitors. They start with an advantage on the airfare alone and by the time you add in all the extra charges, they end up with a huge advantage. It’s not that I believe Southwest is perpetually immune to these pressures — they’ll lost the huge advantage of their fuel price hedge some time soon — but from the beginning they’ve just been more transparent about what it will actually cost you to fly. Even JetBlue is getting into this creeping fee-ism; one for more leg room, another for blankets, etc. Give me a number, not an a la carte menu. Bundle your services into tiers and price them accordingly. They’re all doing it together; they can either die together or learn, as they so often have had to, that they’re out of touch with their customer. Just a shocking way to run a business. Shocking.

Never buy a car in its first model year (OK, I made that mistake…twice), never buy the first model of any technology product (OK, I make that mistake monthly) and never, ever fly through a new terminal or airport (e.g., DIA) in the first few months. Will I make this mistake too? I haven’t yet…

http://blogs.wsj.com/middleseat/2008/08/15/us-airlines-to-keep-bathrooms-fee-free/#comment-1093

I will, however, give JetBlue some kudos. At least they continued the flight to its destination. I’m sure USAir would have landed en route, inconveniencing everyone.

I just bought myself a new video camera, about the size of a cell phone. Look for me in a newspaper near you, soon.

From the get-a-clue department: if you treat your customers like idiots, well, don’t complain to me when they behave like idiots. You get what you deserve, American. Note to government regulators: giving American and British Airways any kind of anitrust immunity defeats the purpose of antitrust law. These are the two most predatory airlines in the world; letting them work together in fashions that require antitrust waivers most certainly is not in the best interests of customers or competition.

——-

American’s letter:

More Choices Connecting You To The WorldAugust 14, 2008Dear Jonathan Yarmis, I want to thank you for your support of American Airlines and share some exciting news. Today American Airlines, British Airways and Iberia signed a Joint Business Agreement (JBA) to cooperate on flights between North America and Europe, and announced that we plan to expand our global cooperation. Though our three airlines will continue to operate as separate legal entities – with our own fleets, employees and brands – we will cooperate more closely to improve travel choices, offer more convenient schedules and give customers more opportunities to earn and redeem frequent flyer miles. Today’s announcement represents good news for travelers. Our customers will be able to travel more easily on a oneworld network that includes nearly 9,000 daily departures to 663 destinations in 134 countries via flight schedules that will be coordinated to deliver more conveniences and choices. As an example, here in the U.S., customers and communities will gain improved access to 207 new international destinations just by our ability to link our networks. We also plan to expand our codesharing and offer combinable fares, allowing customers to choose from multiple routings across the entire oneworld network rather than just those flights marketed individually by each airline. This will also allow us to offer our customers and communities greater access to more competitive fares and ultimately the ability to fly on new and expanded routes. As a result, you’ll have greater opportunities to earn and redeem your American Airlines AAdvantage miles on each airline’s transatlantic flights. Reciprocal lounge access with British Airways, Iberia and other oneworld members will continue as it is today – however, with an expanded network and more codesharing choices, customers will have more opportunities to take advantage of this valuable benefit.As a key first step, our three airlines – along with Finnair and Royal Jordanian, our transatlantic partners in the oneworld global alliance – plan to apply today with the U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) to receive global antitrust immunity. This will not only help us work together more closely for the benefit of our customers, employees and shareholders, but will also allow the oneworld alliance to compete more effectively with SkyTeam and the Star Alliance, which already enjoy broad immunity among their global air alliance members.Although these changes, if approved, will take some time to be implemented, we will be in touch as new information becomes available. In the meantime, please visit www.aa.com for more information.We hope that you are excited about the great benefits and choices that will take place from this proposed relationship. We will keep you posted on the latest developments. Again, I want to thank you for flying American Airlines. Sincerely yours, Dan GartonExecutive Vice President, Marketing

JetBlue is “letting” its favored customers “test” its new terminal (T5) at JFK in a couple of weeks.

And what do you think the odds are:

- They’ll lose your baggage.
- Your flight will be late.
- They’ll run out of water.

And don’t you think it’s ominous they say “you will not…leave the building during the trial run.” Even if you want to!